This post might be right down personal and if one of my sht classmate (well they are not shtty but I just refer to everybody as sht that's all) actually read this, I swear to the invisible man (i.e God and such and such) I am going to quit school and seclude myself in my room for the rest of my life.
It's juicy alright and I can't help myself to tell you about this. I mean it can't hurt to share personal stories online, no one knows you anyway.
Cut straight to the point! I think.... I think I like someone. Nope, it's not big of a deal. I just fancy him and the thing is I don't even know why. Like come on, we barely talk, I think he even notice I am there. I mean I am practically invisible ( yes, it's my super power ). I don't know when, I don't know how and I don't know why ( actually I might know why ), before I realize it, my gaze were following him everywhere.
So we hit it off on the night before the year 12 end but what's the big deal? I don't even think that event actually lingers in his minds more than a day or an hour. I am the idiot ( as always ) for thinking it was an amazing night. AND WE BARELY DID ANYTHING BUT TALK?! GODDAMMIT, I am so shallow at this.
Maybe I should tell you the story of that night to depicts my idiotic self.
2 days after we got back from Sabah Trip, we went for the Relay for Life events. It was an event for charity where in you have to sign up and walk in the track provided for hours. It was a fun events and lots of people were there, many of our classmates actually there too. But then there are 2 shift in this events, the normal shift, you walk during dusk till evening around 11 p.m and Graveyard shift where you walk from midnight till dawn. I and my roommate signed up for the Graveyard shift and surprisingly only a few people actually stayed for the graveyard shift. We thought it would be much of a bigger event than that.
Anyway, Shunya (the guy I am talk about...) was in charge of the midnight games. He was the coordinator, together with Melina and the others ( I forgot).
That night I was too hyperactive or something, I did not felt sleepy at all. Plus I had my Starbucks, game console and headphones with me. I can totally survived the night. On the other hand, my roommate decided to sleep till 3 a.m and then start walking then. So I was alone trying to find things to do from 12 midnight till 3 a.m. And then there come Shunya.
I was playing my console games and laying on the mat beside my roommate enjoying my Starbucks. I wanted to walk the tracks but walking alone will be so pathetic. Anyway, he came along to the tent where the mat was and sat in a chair in front of me. I don't know how ( or I forgot ) but we started talking and then he asked if I wanted to walk with him in the track since it's so boring. SO WE DID... the both of us...
We never really get to talk in school.. I have no class with him at all but I do know he is Jastine (my housemate) ex-boyfriend. But that night, we talked... A LOT. Well I did most of the talking, as usual, and questioning , up to the point I felt like I was forcing him to walk with me just so I can have a friend to walk with ( I feel bad for that). On the other hand, he seems interested...I guess... I don't know. Going of track here.... back back back...
So we talked about various of things such as where do he live in Japan, his house and what's japan was like, vise-versa. He will occasionally ask me to stop and grab a drink because I thought he was tired of walking. I knew he was tried and I told him to get some rest while I walked by myself but he insisted to tag along. Then, around 1 something, he decided he wanted to go to bed. I mean he was that tired, he had bloodshot eyes, pale face and he looks exactly like a zombie. We headed to the tent and found out that there were only enough space left for a person to go to bed. I decided to sit on the chair and ask him to lay down but he insisted to sleep on the chair. After awhile, I thought it was so boring to just sat there and waited for something so I headed out and saw a circle of strangers and Melina talking to each other. There were empty chairs in the circle and some stack up chairs. Obviously me being the kid will always choose the highest stack to sit on, and I did sat there and made some new friends. I didn't talk much though and got bored of it soon. 5 mins later or so, Shunya staggered to the circle with his zombie face and take the empty sit beside me. I looked at me in surprise and I thought he were already deep in sleep. I decided to ask him why he didn't sleep and rest in the tent and he said the space were to crowded to sleep on. He then leaned his head to my chair and closed his eyes. He didn't get a wink of sleep at all in the chair because soon I was bored and got off the chair to go to the toilet and then the track. He followed me to the track anyway and we continued talking ( I continued talking to keep him entertained) while he just answered shortly. Although I think he was disinterested but at some point of our walk he showed me this side where he was listening and was actually interested. I may be negative for thinking this but can I assume he did that so that he won't offense me in away?
There was a sofa in the middle of the track btw, behind the HOPE sign. It was a stand but they were closed so people could use it for enjoyment. When we passed the sofa, Shunya was looking at it and said he wanted to sleep there but there were people who take it for granted and sat there playing their phone instead of using it for sleep. I laughed and said be patience and wait. After a few rounds, the sofa was empty and when were passing by it, I pointed it out and asked him to go and take a nap but he refused, saying he could do that later. I don't know for whatever reason he was refusing the nap when he was that dead tired but I could take this as a wrong signal y'know. HMPH!
And after a few more rounds, someone sat on it again and he regretted the fact he didn't took the chance or he was acting that he regretted it anyway. And then the guy went away after another few rounds and this time I insisted he go to rest and he did. I left him alone sleeping ( he was so adorable when he sleeps and his sleeping position was so innocent) and went to find my roommate because it was 3 a.m. Skip for the next 1 hour.
He was woken up by Melina at about 4 and I didn't realize that because I took a nap too while he was taking his nap. I walk out of the tent and saw him walking alone aimlessly with half asleep face. I enter the track myself and although 3/4 of me screaming go chase him and said HI, but I don't really want to make such an obvious move. I decided to walk by myself till one of us catch up to the other. After a few round I gave up with that idea because we were walking at the same pace, no one was catching up to anyone. Then I saw Alex was awake, so I approached her who was sitting in front of the track entrance and waited for a good timing where in he will pass by. What I didn't expect though, he greeted me and approached me as soon as he reached the entrance. I acted as if I was surprised tat he was awake and asked why. Then somehow I forgot what happened, but we went back to walking and talking till it's time for him to go.
At about 6 a.m, when he was about to go. He said " see you on Monday." but I wasn't going to attend school. Since I had to fly back to Medan (crap... kinda regretting it) so he asked why and then there were a hint of disappointment in his tone. OR AM I JUST IMAGINING THINGS?!
Then he had to go and walk to the bus station at 6 a.m. He said goodbye and I don't know if this actually happens or am I just making things up ( cause memory is THAT UNREALIABLE) But I think we shook hands and then he somehow wouldn't let go of my hand or something, gah this is mess up?! ANYWAY... he had to go and so we said goodbye. He did though asked me and Alex to tag along and because we were only 2 girls, walking at 6.30 a.m in the morning wasn't such a smart idea. I looked at Alex but she said no and good point, we had to wait till 7 something before our bus operates anyway. He looked kind of disappointed or was that me? Yes I think that was me. And puff ends our whole new built bond.
I imagined a lot of stuff going to happen when I got back to school on the new year. I guess that will never happen, I mean maybe if I weren't flying back to Medan on that Monday, something might have happen but after 2 months, I doubt so. I was proven right but on some occasion on the first week of school. I felt like our eyes met and every time he saw me and I saw him we had... I felt like we had this sparks or connection but maybe it was a fault in my part that I didn't make a move or it was just me misinterpreting stuff (AGAIN) and so it diminished on the second week. SAD SAD!
This haunts me till my dream ya know. I mean it's so rare my dream was all about me gazing at a guy's smile and feeling I want that smile for me. And yet a few nights before, I dreamt about it and in my dream before I woke up, he was leaning his head in my soldier sleeping with that angelic face of his and my heart actually race. OH GOD DAMMIT! But it was only a dream. Although it was, my eyes since the first day of school had been following him and his adorable smiling face was imprinted in my minds.
I rarely falls in love and I can guarantee you this is not love. I know I need my time for IB but I also do hope I have some sort of improvement in my love life.
Oh cupid, help me out on this... I may have interpreted him wrongly or imagining stuff that did not happen on that day but at least tell me if I was wrong or right. Not being able to know the real truth and kept me feeling like I like him, isn't such a wonderful thing. NGAHHHHH?!
This is a long post with worthless fanciness... I hope you are not wasting to much of your life on this.
Love,
Hanabi ♥
No comments:
Post a Comment