15th Photography Exhibition, ongoing.
"So which one do you like Ryan?" Asked a friend of his.
"I like this one" he replied looking at a photography of a clear blue winter sky.
"Oh yeah, it looks like the kind you'd go for." Said his friend putting an arm over his shoulder and walk away.
"Hahaha... Yeah. I like stuff that portrays a peaceful world you know?"
Ryan was my classmate, a typical cheerful, popular boy who is always lively. Unlike me, I always wish just once to be a part of that warm atmosphere that enveloped the person who liked my photography.
"Have you heard?! Ryan Carter from class 2-C passed away yesterday!"
What? Ryan died? How? Why?
"I heard it happened yesterday!" Said a girl sitting across from my table to a bunch of people that had gathered for the news.
"I heard that he wasn't doing so good during the break either."
"Oh so he was sick after all?"
"Yeah pretty much. Everyone knew he had a weak heart."
"For me it's like, it doesn't feel real you know?"
...
In second I was drown in the sea of news concerning his death, the noise deafen me. How could one who is always filled with rays of life be said to be dead? It is just surely a...
"IMPOSSIBLE!!!" Shout a girl hysterically.
"Calm down Sammy."
No one could simply believe the shocking news of his death. No one could simply belief a person such as Ryan could be dead.
"I can't hold back my tears anymore." sniffle a girl.
Everyone cried and shocked, everyone aside from me. I can't cry, I can't feel, what am I suppose to do? Suddenly one of my classmate bump me but I feel numb.
"Ah sorry, Miki."
"Retard! Her name is not Miki but Mira."
"Whatever man, it's pretty much the same." He said laughing and walk away.
"Well at least know your classmate."
"Yeah but she really doesn't stand out you know?"
"Well yeah that's true she is not well known but..."
That's my existence in this world in a nutshell.
"Class is starting everyone. Please take your sit..."
The first time I saw him was during the entrance ceremony. I thought what a beautiful and lively boy he was. I admire and adore him but I never make a move or even try. I always only watching him from afar. In the end I was never even talked to him, not even once. Even though we were classmate, he was always someone who lived in a world different from mine. A world that even if I try to reach out, I could never grab. Even if I tried to talk to him I would've just been a bother. It was after all probably the best to watch him only from afar.
*Kringgggg*
"Alright people! Class is dismissed, please don't forget to bring your laptop tomorrow."
"Where do you want to go after this?" said a girl to her friends.
People start gathering around their friends and resuming their daily life as if nothing happen. A couple of people still discussed about his death news, some prefer to rather treat it as a nonexistent, some tried to avoid to talk about it and keep it to themselves. I on the other hand still feel numb and as if someone had taken over my body, the next thing I know I was there by the lake with my camera standing still looking at the empty sky.
"I wish I could've photograph him in a place like this." I mumbled to myself.
The calm air, the kind wilderness, this are all things I thought would suit him well. Even though I never even wanted to photograph people before him. The soothing spring breeze brushes over me. Oh yeah now that I think about it, I was going to submit a photo for the school festival, so I guess I better get started.
*rustle*
There is someone else here? I turn around to look at the source of the sound. Oh that's the person who was always with Ryan. He stand behind a tree and as if talking to someone, he did not realize I was there. Huh?! There is another person with him. Suddenly my eyes caught a glimpse of shimmering creature beside him. Isn't that Ryan? Wait a minute that is...
"R...Re...Ryan!!!!!!" I shouted hysterically while pointing at Ryan.
"HAH?!" Said the 2 guys in unison and turn around to face me.
"B...Bu..But.. I... I... I... Thought you were... Dead?!" I stuttered still caught in surprise.
"wait!"
Without listening I continued rambling on and on... panicking about someone who look identical to Ryan.
"O..Or... Are you...His twins ?!" I said at last after coming up with a sum of unreasonable theories about the person who looks like Ryan.
"Hold on a second." said his friend. "You can actually see him?"
"W-What do you mean I can see him? Was I not suppose to be able to see him or something?" I said panicking at his words.
"A-Aren't you Ryan?" I asked at last.
"Err.... Yeah." He said not sure what to say to me.
"A ghost version of him anyway." said his friend at last. " I am surprise you can see him."
WHAT?!!!!! I blackout the minute I heard him saying the ghost version.
"Are you feeling better now?" Asked his friend. When I opened my eyes we were in the bench near the lake and I was laying down looking up to the blue sky. " Ah.. yeah... a little." I said at last trying to sit up straight.
"I am sorry if this may sound rude but, you seem to know me but do I know you from somewhere?" He asked with kindly, genuinely confuse to who am I.
"Ah.. Umm... I am in the same grade as you and we are classmates, I sit at the back of the class." I said feeling sorry for myself. He look sad and displease by the fact that he could not recognize his own classmates.
"Sorry." He said at last.
"Ah no it's okay. I was not so well known anyway. Hahaha." I laugh pathetically.
"Ugh, DAMMIT! I wish I could've gone to school more! And why'd I have to die right before my birthday?!" He grumbled and mad clearly at himself. "It was 5 more days.. 5 more days..." He said pissed off at himself and clearly lost in his own thought. I should probably change the subject to safe him from his own despair.
"U..um..umm... So how did this happen?" I said at last asking him the question that had been there on my mind since I saw his ghost.
"Huh? Oh, well I was always pretty sick since I was a kid, so every year I set a goal for myself, that I would live to my next birthday."
"And it seems he hasn't depart from earth because he's vexed about dying right before his birthday." Said his friend continuing his explanation since Ryan was confused as to why he was not sent to the afterlife.
"Only 5 more days." He grunted.
"Oh yeah, by the way, could you tell me your name?" he said suddenly looking all cheery again and changing the topic.
"Eh?" I was caught by surprise in how fast he could change his mood. "AH! I am Mira Leighton." I said at last.
"Mira Leighton huh?!" His friend mumbled with wrinkles forming in between his eyebrows, clearly showing that he is trying to think of my existence.
"Mira Leighton.." Ryan mumbled too.
"I-I'm not surprised you don't know me. I-I mean... I don't really stand out in class." I said trying to ease them with their thoughts.
"Oh!" Said Ryan at last. "You were the one who took that photo!" He said looking at me in admiration.
"That photo?" I asked in confusion, he must have mistaken me with someone else. What picture did I took for me to deserve his admiration? I mean I don't remember I took a picture that great to be remember by someone like him.
" You know, that picture that was hang right outside the teacher staff room. I really like that picture." he said with a warm smile and an eyes full of admiration. He remembered the picture that I took? He actually remembered it.
"Hey you two!" Shouted a guard suddenly from behind us. " What are you doing here? It's already later, please go home!" He said shouting at us and then waited for us to walk away.
"Well then we shall go home now." said his friend and then we leave him behind alone in the lake.
"Stop by again if you get the chance." He said and waved us goodbye.
"I can't believe that no one else could see him." Said Edward on our way home, breaking the ice between us. "I have a sixth sense for stuff like this, so I guess that's why I can see him. Is that the same for you?" He asked looking at me with a friendly smile.
"Huh? Oh no, not really." I said looking totally confused about the whole incident. What just happen back there? Is it real? I still can't believe it.
"Hmm.. then I wonder why? Let me guess, you like him?" He said looking at me seriously.
"What?" I said loudly surprised by his question "A...Ah.... N-No!" I said in denial, panicking to his question.
"Maybe it's the power of love at work." He said jokingly, totally ignoring my reaction.
"T-that would've been so presumptuous of me."
"Presumptuous?" He said in confusion. "Why?"
"B-Because he's someone w-who looks like he could've come out of an artwork ! I-I was just happy admiring him from afar!" I said all as fast as I could and realize a second after that, that I have just said something stupid and embarrassing.
he stand there frozen, taken a back by my reaction.
"Oh really?" he said at last with a smile.
"Uh..umm.. does Ryan always stay there?" I said changing the topic to avoid further embarrassment.
"Well things might be different if he could actually converse with others, but even if he were to go back home right now, all he'd see would be his parents grieving. There's no point in it." He said genuinely feeling sad for his friend.
"But.." I said trying to come up with a reason to ease their emotion.
"Hahahaha." he interrupted with a hollow laugh. "Don't worry about him, once the afternoon rolls around he'll just let himself into my room." he said trying to make it sound carefree so that I didn't have to worry about Ryan.
"You two must be really good friends." I said at last, admiring their friendship. It must have been nice to have a friendship like theirs.
"He always had a weak heart since he was a kid. His spells took a turn for the worse once he hit middle school. Even when he forced himself to go to school, he'd just wind up back in the hospital again. It was always the same cycle. His doctors were always getting pissed at him because of it, but Ryan didn't listen to them. He told them, 'What's the point in being alive if you don't make the best of it?' Rather than holding back on the things he wanted to do and spending his days lying quietly in the bed all day only to regret it later, he wanted to put every ounce of his energy into living his life to the fullest. That's the path he chose to go down. All I could do, was to go along with his hi-jinks, so he wouldn't be left with regrets." said Edward with a smile looking up to the sunset sky before we part ways.
It must have been hard on Ryan, to be trapped in the deathly cycle. Even though he was trapped and cursed with such a life, he could still appear cheerful and full of life every single time he came to school. How I wish I could just give my life to him, it would have been better that way.
"yeah,next week we're going to have to decide on the things for the school festival."
"What should we do this year?"
"Hey, how about we form a band?"
"Hey, is anyone going to invite people from other schools?"
"Yo, why don't you bring your girlfriend?"
As I thought everyone had resume their life, as if nothing had happen yesterday things was back to normal. With the upcoming event as an uproar, the news about his death has been cleared and forgotten.
"A school festival sounds great! I wish I could take part in it too! But dammit! I can't!" Shouted Ryan while stretching by the lake.
"Haha.." I scoffed. " If only you could switch places with me, huh?" I said frivolously.
He stopped stretching after listening to my words and looking back at me. "I'm guessing you're not into stuff like that?"
"Oh it's not that I don't like it." I said looking down to the ground feeling gloomy for myself. "I-It's just I am not good at talking with other people. and like... I don't really have friends... so.." I said mumbling incoherently.
"Want me to take over your body?!" He said suddenly interrupting me. I looked up to him surprised by his words and was shocked at his acting trying to scared me. I jumped at the sight of his scary eyes and serious face and then he stopped midways and chuckles. "Hahaha... I'm just joking." he said turning his back against me and look at the lake. " But you know, hearing you say that when I've become like this is really tough to hear, to be honest." He said looking back at me with a sorrow expression and painful eyes. The disappointment reflected in his eyes hit me back to my senses.
"I'm sorry." I said with regrets saying those words when I didn't even understand a thing about death, I shouldn't have said what I did.
"If you really are sorry about it.." He said at last after a long silence. " Then make 100 friends in my place." He said with a serious face.
"WHAT?!" I said in surprise. "T-that'd be impossible! No way!" I shouted.
"Why not?" he asks.
"Because I am like this!"
"What do you mean?" He asked, confused.
"I-I'm slow, and I'm not good at talking to others. B-be honest, I irritate you, don't I?!" I shouted totally overreacting to his question and request. He was shocked and taken aback by my explanation and answer.
"Did someone say all that about you?" He asked genuinely worried about me and felt sorry about it.
" Back w-when I was in elementary school, a guy in my class." I said not wanting to continue and trying to held back that painful memory. It wasn't such big of a deal for most people I guess, but to me that one sentence hit me hard and left a big impact in me. "You are annoying." the words echoes through my mind and it keeps on repeating itself every time.
"Oh, well that's understandable that you closed up because of it. But I think you're a lot more charming when you're trying your best to get your feelings across rather than when you're not talking and I can't tell what you're feeling." He said carefully, looking at his eyes I could tell that he honestly what he thinks and not only said it to flatter me or anything. Even so, even if it is only an empty words for him, that sentences touch my heart very deeply and I think, I think I am in deep deep deep trouble. I may have fallen for a ghost.
For a moment he turn away and I could tell he was blushing after saying such words. Can ghost blush? I guess so, the very idea of him blushes made me smile.
"And anyway if you're not good with people, then all you need is some practice. I'll be your conversation partner if you're up for it." he said turning back to me and smile. He really is kind hearted. Without thinking I took out my camera and said " W-will you let me take a picture of you?"
"Hahaha... Sure, if you're okay with taking a photo of a ghost." He said cheerfully while showing his radiant smile as always. My heart skips a beat at his radiating warmness. It didn't matter what kind of photograph it will turn out to be because I got to ask the question I wanted to ask for so long. I adjusted my camera towards him and as if my camera caught a shimmer of his radiating warmness. It was as if I was in a dream world.
I forze at the sight of nothing inside my camera.
"Is something wrong?" He asked looking at me. I gaze back through the camera and said "No, it's nothing." I am sure something will show up. I just wanted some proof of that moment. That single moment where he was there with his usual warmness enveloping me in it.
The next day we as a group went for his burial ceremony.
"I'm going to go and get the best seat in the house!" he said cheerfully, pointing at the desk infornt of his coffins where his picture was placed and incenses was burnt for him.
"He's always been like that even since he was a kid." said Edward who was standing beside me.
"Huh... you mean acting childish?"
"Sort of, you know lively and all." He said laughing at the sight of Ryan ghost. I think he was not truly happy or that smile of his was somehow not reaching his eyes. I think he was just acting tough and not wanting for us to be worried about him.
When his parents got up to burn the incense, he whispered "I'm sorry. Thank you for everything." with that sorrowful eyes and weak smile. After that, he disappeared into the sky, without me ever having the chance to touch him.
Without me ever having the chance to touch him.
"Mira.." He said softly. "Could I ask you a favor? Would you mind writing a letter for me?" he asked while trying to hide his sad far by facing the lake instead of meeting my eyes. The favor turned out to be me writing a letter in his place because he was no longer capable of holding a pen. With his face blushing red, he recited a letter capturing his feelings of thanks towards Edward.
"From Ryan?" Edward asked in surprise when he received the letter from me. " talk about embarrassing." He scoff
"He was blushing the entire time, it was really cute." I said cheerfully remembering Ryan blushing face.
"The handwriting's so small and cute, it's as if I got a love letter from you or something." he said jokingly.
"Hahahah.. you are right." I laughed.
"Yeah but there's no doubt about it. These are his words." He said with a gentle smile while carefully reading Ryan's letter that I wrote.
That day as if the sky was giving signals, the rain continued into the night.
"Mira? What are you doing here so late at night?" Asked Ryan in surprised when he saw me entering the lake side with my umbrella.
"I-I wanted to tell you that I gave him your letter. A-And I was a bit worried because it was raining and all, so I..." I said while trying to came up with a reasonable reason for me to be there. He looked turned sad and worried and then shifted into his usual expression. " I'm see through, so I don't ave to worry about getting wet." He said jokingly and trying to sum up his best smile to me.
"Ah, w-well I know that but..." I said trying to come up with another reason but failed to do so, " I don't know.." I said at last giving up with trying to reason my way out. "But I started thinking.. it'd be such a waste, you know? Seeing as how you're here and all, to not use up the time to talk to you." I said honestly while shyly looking down as he grows close to me.
"Thanks." He whispered to my ears and stand close to me. Although I couldn't touch him, I could feel his presence faintly touching me and embracing me in his warmness. "To tell you the truth, ever since my body got turned into ashes, my mind's been a mess but I feel a lot better now that you're here." He said gently still pretending he hugged me. He stands there in front of me close enough for me to touch him, to grab his hand, to kiss him and yet that very idea was impossible. I reach out my hand slowly to touch his but it when through just like how he tried to touch me, I draw my body close to his soul trying to feel him. If only I'd realize this sooner, I could've felt the warmth of his body. If only I'd talked to him sooner, if only I'd gotten to know him better, if only I'd realize these feelings sooner, may be something might have change. May be, just may be, my wish might have become a reality.
My heart felt so tight, my feelings went numb, my body went limp. As I dropped my umbrella and the rain poured over me, I cried my heart out trying to hold him close to me. "Ryan.." I sobbed. I wanted to touch you.
"Hey, I heard the other class is going to do a cafe."
"What! That's what we wanted to do though!"
"yeah well it's too late for that now."
"How about we have a cafe where we dress up as an animal?"
"Nice!"
The classroom is as noisy and as lively as ever. Although the usual me would be sitting there silently looking at the class, today I laid my head down on top of my table not caring about the world. As if the noise drowns me in my own sadness, the picture I took the other day showed me no prove that the days I have spent with Ryan was part of reality.
"Huh, so nothing ended up showing in the picture huh?" Said Edward taking one of the pictures and look at it carefully. "I'm really supposed to wait until tomorrow to give you this." he said bringing out an envelope form his pocket. "Since he said he might end up changing his mind otherwise, but.." With a weak smile he handed me the envelope. "Here, this is a letter from Ryan. His birthday is today." Edward said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.
To Mira,
We've only known each other for a short time, but thanks for everything. To think I'd be able to make friend even after I'd died, I feel really blessed. I won't try to force you into actually trying to make 100 friends but I think you'd find that having more friends can be really fun. At the very least, I had fun being friend with you. You seem to be afraid of talking to others, but if you had the guts to talk to a ghost, then I think you're pretty much set for whatever life may throw at you. Try your best. I'll be rooting for you wherever I will be.
From,
Ryan Carter
"Mira!" He turned around surprised by my presence in the lake side. My tears was flowing like a river, there's only now. I gathered up all my feelings and courage.
"I like you." I said at last. I cried more after saying it out loud. I realize this was the only time I could tell him all honestly and outright, I knew days after today there will be no more him in my future. He was taken by surprise by my confession and smiled genuinely. He looked at me kindly and smile with his warm smile but his eyes was clouded with sadness. "I-I always admire you from afar." I started after calming myself down. "W-When you remembered my photo I was really happy." I sobbed and rubbed my eyes with my hands. I look up to him only to realize his soul started shimmering. I blink and thought it was my tears but no he is shimmering in the light, gradually fading. I panicked and rushed over to him. "I-I was glad to be able to talk to you even if it's for a little while!" I shouted while making my way to the lake.
His words "I'll be rooting for you wherever I will be." Echoes through my mind, every single memories we had spent together, I don't want to forget it. " I-I had a really great time!" I shouted "Ah.. A-And about the letter... Thank you!" "Thank you" I sobbed. "Thank you I'll treasure it always!" I said it all out, although he felt burned by this I could tell from his expression, I still wanted to tell him how I actually feel. His sad and painful expression drills into me. He looked at his disappearing hand and clench it tightly, obviously annoyed by his current state. As he gradually started to fade, he made his way to me.
"That kind of awkward and yet hardworking side of you, I think it's cute and I like it." He said at last with his warm radiating smile. His almost crying face was cute but his warm smile was what made me me smile. He fly up to me and pretending that his forehead touching mine, and softly whispered to me
"Thank you."
And just like that he disappeared into the thin air, leaving no trace behind, without giving me a chance to feel him or touch him. Although we have to parts ways now, but someday, somewhere I hope we could meet again, and when we do, I will once again gather up my courage and feelings and I tell you that I love you. Till then.
"Okay, I'll be taking the photo now." I said to the cosplay cafe students. "Everyone please gather together." I said preparing for their group pictures.
"Ok!"
"Wait! Don't leave me behind!"
"1...2...3... say cheese!!"
"Cheese!"
"Thanks!"
"Thanks Mira!"
My live changes drastically that incident. I decided to live my life to the fullest and try my best to make friends. I wanted to prove I am fine to Ryan, that he doesn't have to worry about me anymore.
"Working hard I see?" Said Edward
"Edward!" I said happily.
"Why don't you wear an animal costume too?" He said jokingly
"Hahahaha well..." I said having no reason to answer that.
"Isn't it exhausting acting as the camera woman for the whole festival?" he said genuinely worried about me.
"Huh? Oh, it's not that much work. I like taking everyone's picture and it give me a chance to talk to everyone. It's fun!" I said feeling truly contended and happy with my task.
"You've change Mira." He said and laugh.
"What?!" I said in surprise.
"You are more upbeat now."
"Miraaaaaa!!!!" Shouted a girl from down the corridor.
"We saw your photo display!" Said the other one.
"Thanks!" I said and for the first time I could freely laugh and smile with my heart.
"What picture did you submit for the competition?" Ask Edward.
" That picture." I said with a smile. The picture with Ryan anf hid warmness in it. The picture that contain all my feelings that I couldn't put into words for him. "The picture of the Transparent world."
Ryan, I am doing great as always. Although at times even now, I get this urge to see you. So I stop by sometimes to gaze at that lake. the scenery, the sky, the warm atmosphere, none of it's changed since you were last there. It's still a transparent world.
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